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IS SINGLE CHILD READY TO MINGLE?

BY: PRATHAM GOLCHA

Being a single child myself, I have loads of experience regarding this aspect. While I savor the prospect of being the lone child and the apple of the eye of my parents, once in a while I do feel the need of having a sibling. Well, nowadays more and more parents are opting for a single child. There are quite a few reasons pertaining to this issue. One of the reasons is that parents think that raising a single child is not much of a headache and is convenient. It becomes much easier to handle and nurture a single kid and with the expenses soaring all around, it is definitely an economical and pocket-friendly option. The parents are also able to give greater attention in this case to the child. In today’s fast-paced life, where both the parents are working to make a sizeable income in the house, it becomes all the more necessary to not have more than one child. Accommodating a single child’s needs and wants is possible and there are fewer loads on the parent’s shoulders. Since the parents opt to have a single child, they ought to give time to the child, which they aren’t always doing in today’s scenario. Nowadays, the child is expected to be an all-rounder and excel in all fields, which was not the case in case of sibling parents. Parents having 2-3 children are aware of the fact that their dreams can be fulfilled through any one of them, but in case of single child, the onus and pressure is solely on him to prove his mettle. Guilt-conscious parents call it as ‘quality time’, which is actually a humbug declaration. Various psychologists have pointed out the great benefits of having only one offspring. A lot depends on the family environment and dynamics, how the child is brought up, irrespective of the number. Core values and ‘sanskars’ in the Indian context are vital. Nowadays, mostly the families are nuclear, consisting of the couple and a single child only. So, the overall equation of children being taken care of in joint families has virtually disappeared. Some parents even fret over the opinion of having more than one child because it allows them to work flexibly. The need for parents is to have a perfect work-parenting balance so that they can juggle up both, not depriving either of them. Having said all these things, the other advantages of having a single child are that the child knows how to play by himself and keep oneself occupied all the time. I, being a single child too, am often asked whether I feel like a loner. Probably, I not having a sibling may be the cause. Single children also have a doubt that “if my parents are no more someday, who will be there to take care of me”? A single child also enjoys all the attention of the parents and is mostly a pampered one. Some even go on to become spoilt brats because all their desires and needs are fulfilled even before they demand. Their demands are instantly gratified by parents, who in turn spoil their children by spoon feeding them throughout their lives. Many of the single children are absolutely care-free and aren’t worried about their future for they know that the parents have their back. They go on to become spendthrifts and take things for granted. I do feel the need of having a sibling in my home though, so that I can shrug off my loneliness and share. When there is a sibling in the house, you tend to learn from each other’s mistakes. While I was young, there were hardly any children who used to play and I still feel, had my parents gifted me with a brother/sister, I would have loved to play and share all things. No fights for getting that extra piece of chocolate, no fights for the T.V & A.C remote, no fights for extra kisses from mommy and no fights for the new mobile are things not only I but other single children too must be feeling, since it leaves a void in the heart. I personally feel that being the loner, I have always been selfish. All the love and chocolates were only for me and I never had to share with anyone. Somewhere I feel the desire to love and be loved by my sibling. What plausible conclusion can we draw from this conundrum and dilemma? Well, this could lead to the beginning of another article altogether.

GENDER SENSITIZATION IN BOYS

We have all grown up being told that cars and guns are meant for boys, whereas dolls and kitchen sets are meant exclusively for girls. Haven’t we? More often than not, this is the true story of every Indian household, whether rural or urban. As kids we have learnt biases among the gender are natural. Women have been restricted to certain tailor-made roles in our otherwise patriarchal society. We are living in the 21^st century, a century that has redefined humans altogether. Inspite of reaching great heights through technological innovations and reaching the pinnacle of almost every other invention and discovery, this kind of thinking has led to a downfall of the society altogether. With almost every parent sending their children to school to study, the real problem lies in our age-old education system. It is high time people’s perceptions change and they accept that it is alright for a boy to play with dolls. His playing with dolls won’t make him a girl or lessen his masculinity. On parallel grounds, a girl playing with a gun or car won’t necessarily change anything. These are just our rusty thoughts that are responsible. Actually the children are brought up in this way by the parents, especially boys. They are meant to be spoilt, especially by the mother. More often than not a boy playing with a doll would be scolded by his parents and may become a laughing stock in the society.

When a teenage boy, is told to assist mother in certain house tasks like folding clothes and laying in cupboard, table laying, dish washing , etc, he surely will be mocked by male family members, stating that even discussing about household matters, is a female issue. This is because, stereotype rules the scene. How could a young boy discuss and appreciate cookery skills and have fun in kitchen? Boys born in our Indian society are meant to be spoilt and pampered. This is automatized and natural. If a boy respects a girl, its non-masculine, boys are not considered sensitive. When men respect women, it’s at times considered a weakness. They are informed-, don’t be like women.

Another big example can be seen through our festivals -Rakshabandhan. Why is it that the brother has to vow to protect his sister? Can’t there be a diverse opinion? Why do wives keep fast for Karva Chauth for the long life of their husbands? Don’t women also need protection ? Why is it that there is a popular opinion that blue is meant for boys and pink for girls? Can’t boys like pink or girls like blue? Who has made these gender-beliefs in the society? If we probably don’t know the answers to these questions, we probably can try and find solutions to these ever-lasting gender roles and inequalities that have been cemented in our minds through social and moral traditions. Though there has been a paradigm shift in the stance, yet boys need to be made aware of their duties towards their female counterparts. Our educational system must not merely confine equality to textbooks, but must make it possible in practical life too. It is this generation that is the torch- bearer of the society and it rests upon their shoulders as to how they address this aggressing problem. The answers need to be found soon. The boys, after all are humans, and have the right to their own choices. They need to be made aware of the reality since childhood and must be sensitized towards the needs of their counterparts. The society needs to be more acceptable because boys and girls are ultimately children of God and God hadn’t sent us to this earth with this pre-conceived notion.

ESCAPADE

We humans, just get one life. So the bottom line shall be: Why not travel? Why should we keep material possessions? Why not spend quality time and money travelling? What better than starting an article with an inspiring quote: “ Better to see something once than hear about it a thousand times”. There are innumerable benefits of travelling. Travelling doesn’t only mean going from one place to another. A soulful traveller experiences peace of mind and travel spikes up your confidence levels too. People who travel often are provided with hands-on experience as they interact with different people across the world. It provides us with a sense of adaptability and organization. Travelling can boost your communication skills and can certainly add a zest of visualization and creativity in the mundane life. Moreover, travel has been found to relieve stress and boost mental well-being. It helps people from all walks of life to reset the mind and body. The most obvious benefit of it can be found when all of us start thinking from a different perspective altogether. It is supremely interesting to discover relatively new and unknown values and traditions for me, personally. Travelling makes me a new person altogether. It has been like a teacher for me throughout my life.

No matter how much one hates travelling, each journey makes a separate memory in our life. Those sweet memories can be cherished throughout our lifetime because we know that we can’t take material possessions with us to heaven when we’re no more. It broadens our thinking and intellect and makes one aware of the world. While on a journey, we get to interact with different kinds of people from all walks of life. Hence, it is quintessential to atleast travel once a year to a location one hasn’t been before. Moreover, many people have thinking that travelling is very expensive. How many times in life will people get free lunches? How many times will you get an opportunity to spend quality time with your loved ones? How many times will you get an opportunity to create memories of a lifetime? It all boils down to one’s priorities. A person grows in stature and self-confidence when one goes on a journey. But surely, a satisfying one would certainly be with our loved ones, who help us create memories of a lifetime. Personally, when my mood is off, I resort to think about the beautiful Valley of Flowers or the Shalimar Garden in Kashmir. These are nature’s bounties and every country or state is beautiful in its own way. We just need to put off our dreary minds and admire the beauty of nature. Scientifically it has been proved that travelling can help to reduce the risks of depression. We are all living a modern life, which is full of stress. Therefore, it is of prime importance to give our minds and body a break and travel. So what is the wait for? Let’s pack our bags and get going!

Why we are bored?

We have at hand many tasks to do at a time. Take for example, watching television. One remote and multiple channels. Yet in few minutes, we are bored and actually don’t know what to see. We switch off or watch some crap reality show, WWE, cookery show or 24/7 repetitive news channels for a while. Take another example; we are out there in a lurch for choosing our career. What to do after 12th standard? Medicine, law, engineering, perusing business, banking, scientist or lusting after limelight through entertainment media?

Wanting to take a bath? Which soap to use? Lime, oats, blueberry, kesar, coconut milk? Want to eat out? Which cuisine to choose from- Thai. Mughlai, Indian, Chinese, Japanese or Italian? Desire to go for a party? What to wear? The latest present from aunt, recent purchase from Thailand, great old grandmas stuff that’s back in fashion or to wear ‘out of the box’?

Yet in spite of so many choices we are in a dismay which cuisine to choose from, which channel to select, which career to choose, which dress to wear, which friend to go out on a date with, which designated vacation to select, which shampoo to apply, where to purchase our dream house? Confusion is only adding up.

The reason is that since there are so many options to choose from, we get engrossed in making up our minds and complicating things. A few options are perfect, but having dozens of options only leads to things going haywire. It actually leads to one’s doom. We, today are living in a so called ‘modern society’. Our minds in today’s lifestyle aren’t stable at all. We’re back to same square. Let me give a clearer picture through the famous quote:- “What is this life if full of care? We have no time to stand and stare!”

Why was this situation not prevalent some years back, why were people happier, less confused, more focused, more decisive?. This was because humans were focusing on one task at a time. One thing to think and then action to be taken. Today mind is jumping from one task to another within no time. We are doing shallow breathing, allowing our mind to pick up activities with no thought process and activating it with no rest, recreation or simply no breathing space.

Our forefathers knew what to do at a given time. They thus grew more patient, alert, and introspective, judged
their self-worth and in turn never were bored. Today we have myriad things in hand, jet speed to push from task to task, no time for self-talk, family, neighbours, country. And in all this we are bored. Why then are we bored when we have multiple tasks in hand?

We are constantly thinking what we could be doing rather than what we are doing. Deadlines, commitments, distractions don’t let us breathe, we are on at the go, calling ourselves modern age creatures who can do much more than our ancestors , earn more, own more apartments, eat smarter, play with gadgets at age of 2, yet we are bored. On a Sunday , we don’t know what to do. Just imagine the conditions prevalent in yesteryears. There was no television, no mobile phone, no electronic gadgets, etc. How did people keep themselves occupied? They inculcated various skills in themselves. They admired nature, spent time with loved ones and remained happy. Nowadays children don’t even get to see the faces of their parents. The parents are slogging day and night to make two ends meet and live up to their respective statuses, to actually maintain their ‘class’. Yes, this is indeed the grim reality. Children too haven’t got any time for their family. Their schedule only revolves around hanging around with friends, wandering here and there, tuition classes and hundreds of other classes to choose from. Ultimately even these classes aren’t able to develop a child’s abilities. Where is this taking us? You see today’s youth. They’re in just a couple of hours bored. Let’s take the example while travelling. They don’t want to look out of the window to sight the lovely farms, the remote villages, the stations at which the train halts, the hawkers who sell odds and ends, the beggar children doing their famous acrobats, or their co-passengers. For them the trip is a time to show their latest shopped attire and technology they are comfortable with. Yet they don’t know what to do in a while.

Who wants to do simple things? Trying to hold the sand in your fist, pitter patter of rain drops in your palm, spending time with parents to look at old black and white photographs, relishing home made food, reunion with old colleagues, a walk in the park.

We are more creative when we mono task. Mono tasks like showering, swimming, reading, don’t take away our focus. Here we deliberately choose our task and focus on one thing. We have too often heard to do one thing at a time. Yet we end up watching TV while we eat, use laptop while sipping tea/ cola, browse twitter and Facebook while sending emails. Why do we multitask? To get a more satisfying feeling, to be able to compete with smart colleagues/siblings, feeling of satisfaction to eat, chat with friends and study at the same time, accomplishing more in less time. But the opposite is happening. We are tired too fast, bored early. Our brains in reality can’t take it. The syndrome is what researchers call as ‘ spotlights’. What is our brain doing? Accumulating to actualize our potential or is it?

It amazes me when people say they are bored. This should have been the mantra in the bygone era. Today with multiple channels, social media, multiple cinemas, 24 hour shopping, we are bored. Our attention span is less than even a goldfish that is, 8 seconds. Thus, any activity, be it reading reports, texting, movie watching, attending lectures, writing exams, leads us to boredom. From 5 day test match, to one day and now 20 over format, we still, can’t focus on cricket. We want faster paced amusement. We want a new stimulus all the time. We only seem to be living in an exciting new world of entertainment, fashion, phone, tablet, laptop, television, cinema. Instead of being more occupied , we are bored. Even when mobile devices are occupying every moment of our day, we find tasks repetitive and routinely.

What is the final analysis? How to avoid more of ADHD type of children ? How to reduce increasing rate of infertility among couples, how to reduce divorce rate, how to reduce stress and related diseases and above all how not to be bored? Find pleasure in little things in life. It’s actually the small things in life that matter the most. Make a cup of coffee on a rainy day, be more supportive, be a better listener, share and care, be less critical, enjoy the less important things in life, reduce your pace, take more pauses, find time to eat and also sleep like a baby, re- center self, ideas are endless. Prioritize things, focus on one thing at a time, value time and loved ones, de-addict from gadgets, etc. This is the time to put a brake on the rush of our lives and introspect, why actually are we bored.