UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

BY: PRATHAM GOLCHA

How often do we come across parents especially in the Indian society, who boast of their children excelling in if not everything, but most of the things they do. They want their children to be insanely intelligent in academics, want them to hone every other skill, be extremely proficient in extra-curricular activities and make sure that they achieve success, by hook or by crook. The parents do not realize how much pressure the child is already under, be it school, home or peer group. They only add to their pile of pressure. Though it is true that no parent would want their child to struggle and be unsuccessful in their life, but the question that arises is that the quantity of pressure must be ascertained by them and it should be bare minimum. Children, nowadays are going through a lot of stress and strain in their lives. The moment they are born parents and relatives start betting on the future of the child, what job he will assume when he grows up. For instance, if a child likes to play with a ‘mechano’ set of toys while growing up, the parents already have thought engineering as a plausible career for him. This is prevalent in most of the societies. It has though, been found in recent studies that mild amounts of pressure help in increasing the performance and act as morale-boosters. But if this amount of pressure increases to extreme levels, it can turn dangerous for their children. Societal pressures in today’s modern lives are endless and extreme. For example, many-a-times we find that parents compare their child’s performance and intelligence to that of their relatives’ or neighbours’ children. This has a seriously negative impact on the child, who is under constant pressure to live up to their parent’s expectations. The parents in many cases set targets, such as first position in extra-curricular competions, above 90% in academics, exemplary performances in the field of sports, to name a few. The child, in many cases is not able to match up to the high standard set by the parents. In extreme cases, we hear of incidents such as suicide and deviant behavior by such children. It is amply clear that in today’s modern living, the children with the kind of lifestyle involved are susceptible preys to anxiety issues, insomnia, blood pressure, hypertension, depression, etc . All this is happening at a faster pace and at a very nascent and tender age. The dynamics between the child and the parent has found to be deteriorating nowadays. Hence, it is quintessential for parents to understand and talk to their child as to what issues he/she is going through and formulate reasonable solutions to solve them. I, though am thankful that my parents have never put me under pressure, asking me to score a certain amount of marks or compared me with my neighbor counterpart.

The extreme amounts of pressure result in negative impacts for the child. For example, the child does not obey the parents, shies away from having a conversation and gets involved in deviant activities. Parents have such unrealistic expectations such as they want their child to obey whatever they say, though they may not do it themselves. They want them to be perfectly behaved and always be in a jovial and good mood, which is always not possible, thus jeopardizing their feelings and emotions. The traditional bandwagon is such that it doesn’t really allow a child to free himself of the shackles. In the Indian context this particularly holds true because children live with their parents until their marriage mostly, while the converse holds true in the West. The child is thus, unable to experience the world by himself, rather a set of theoretical rules by the parents are like a rulebook which the children have to abide by. It thus facilitates severe dependence on the parents. How often have we heard our elders telling us the way they used to go to school (by rickshaw or cycling or walking) and the struggle prevalent in those days? These things have become insignificant and redundant  in the cosmos of the modern world. India hold the dubious distinction of holding one of the highest suicide rates of teenagers in the world.

The need of the hour is the education of parents along with children. They need to introspect and spend more time with the child by establishing a healthy environment, whereby the child doesn’t shy away from telling everything. They must encourage the child by accepting his flaws and achievements and making him realize that a failure isn’t the end of the road. They ought to establish a cordial relation with the child since an early age so that the child doesn’t get involved in crimes and deviant activities. It is thus, the need of the hour for the parents to accept their children the way they are. The environment of the home plays a vital role in this aspect. It has to be a two-way agreement. The children too, must not take undue advantage of the freedom given to them or misuse it in anyway. It is time we move ahead and forge healthy relationships, letting go of what people think, embrace the children and be happy, for the life is so short to fight and create misunderstandings. The relationship between the child and the parent is such a beautiful one, which God has created.